Tag: adopting in China

We Found Her! Finally Getting Our Match

We Found Her! Finally Getting Our Match

We finally found our daughter! Anyone who knows us or follows this blog knows that our adoption journey has been a long and difficult one. But we are so happy to finally announce that we have found our daughter! Meet little Zofia!

Zofia-8-30-16-7As a blogger and now a mommy blogger, I am still wrestling with how much information to share about her. I am a pretty open person and I love talking about my life in China and the adoption process, but this isn’t only my story. Where does my story end and Zofia’s begin? I’m not sure, and I know I will make mistakes along the way, but hopefully I will be able to strike a balance between sharing just enough information to encourage others to adopt without divulging information that should be hers to share if and when she is ready.

For now, just know that this little girl is already loved and we can’t wait to bring her home!

If you ever have any questions about adopting from China, just ask! And I will do my best to help you. Especially if you are an expat interested in adopting. When we moved to China in 2010, there was no information about non-military families adopting while living abroad. Now, there are whole communities of expat adoptive families!

We still are not sure exactly when we will be home, but when she does, we will have a lot more pictures to share!

I know many of our friends and family members would like to know how they can support us during this time. Here are two main ways:

1 – Donate money directly. You can click on the button below to send funds to us directly through Paypal.

2 – Buy my books! You can buy my books – The Crazy Dumplings Cookbooks and Threads of Silk – from me directly through this site or you can buy them through Amazon (however, I (and the rest of my team) earn a lot more money per book if you buy from me). You can also buy a variety of dumpling related gifts here on the website. 

Of course, adding our little dumpling to our family means a lot of changes. I have already been blogging less because I have been working so much to raise money to pay the adoption fees and several publishing projects are being pushed back. Santa and the Christmas Dragon will be published in the fall of 2017 (with better, updated art!) and Crazy Dumplings III will be published in the spring of 2018.

Thank you so much for reading and being part of our adoption journey! This story is only beginning.

 

Conversations on Adoption – Unwanted Advice

Conversations on Adoption – Unwanted Advice

My boss was kind enough to surprise me and the other American copy editor at the newspaper with a Christmas lunch a couple of weeks ago. As usual, I get asked why I don’t have kids. The question “why don’t you have kids” is something I am asked almost daily in China. In China, it is a given that people who are married have a kid, usually within the first year of marriage. Anyone outside of this norm is weird, local or not.

Personally, I find the question “why don’t you have kids” invasive and down right offensive. It is no one’s business why I don’t have kids. And the actual reasons are complicated and rather painful, reasons I’m not going to share with strangers. Some of the reasons my own parents don’t know and I wouldn’t even tell my BFF. And don’t come at me with “oh, invasive questions are just Chinese culture.” Don’t care. It’s still rude and still very painful.

I replied with my usual, “Well, we are hoping to adopt here in China instead.” My boss replied with a whole bunch of unsolicited advice. “Oh, well adoption is very difficult.” “You know, it is so expensive.” “It can be very hard to raise an adopted child.”

pensive-very-young-chineseI start tuning him out at this point and just nod because the only answer I want to give is “I KNOW!” But I can’t because he’s my boss and he is actually a really nice guy.

But I’m the one who has been on the adoption journey for more than a decade. I’m the one who moved to China to achieve this goal. I’m the one who works 4 jobs to make this happen. I’m the one who reads countless articles on adoption every single day. I don’t want or need adoption advice from someone who has never even considered it.

Unless you have adopted/ have been adopted and are asked for your advice, do not offer advice on adoption to adoptive families. This goes for people anywhere in the world. Even if you have adopted, the adoption process is different for every family and offering unasked for advice can actually cause more harm than good.

If you want to know more about adoption, feel free to ask questions. I’m sure many adoptive families are more than willing to share parts of their journey with you.

What about you? How do you deal with unsolicited advice? Not just on adoption, but parenting in general?